PLAY

In this blog, I’m happy to share an important moment in my life when I faced my inner control freak, who had been running the show for most of my life.

Join me as I share how horses helped me tackle my inner Sergeant Major (my dad!) and find a new sense of balance.

Play

Embracing our natural, playful side can be a real challenge, especially when we've faced trauma that leaves us feeling powerless. It's completely understandable to feel this way. However, play has a remarkable ability to heal and soothe our spirits. It gently guides us back to a place of comfort, allowing us to rediscover life's joy and vibrancy. Remember, taking small steps towards reconnecting with that joyful spirit within you is okay. You're not alone in this journey.

Engaging in playful activities can relieve stress, boost our brainpower, and ignite creativity. It also brings us closer to others, elevates our energy, and facilitates emotional healing. By welcoming more play into our lives, we enhance our well-being and strengthen our relationships. Let's embrace the power of playfulness and savour life without worrying about others' opinions!

Trauma

For many people, finding a sense of control is essential for feeling safe, providing relief in an otherwise chaotic internal landscape. As we transition into adulthood, we gain the ability to create a sense of control in our environment, which can enhance our feeling of safety. However, this pursuit of control may also diminish our capacity for lightness and joy. By managing even the most minor details, we can craft a sanctuary where outcomes become more manageable. I discovered that establishing control over my emotions and surroundings was vital for my safety, allowing me to feel like I had some control. Taking charge of small details created a world where outcomes felt more predictable. It is a powerful testament to human resilience and survival instinct!

Trauma Effects

Based on my personal experience with prolonged trauma, I can attest to the significant impact it has on individuals. Our bodies can withstand a considerable amount; however, over time, this response may function akin to a brake, hindering our ability to respond effectively during stressful situations. It resembles the act of pulling on the handbrake while driving at high speeds, which can result in sensations of freezing, shutting down, or struggling to take action. While this response serves as a protective mechanism to aid in coping with overwhelming circumstances, it can also complicate the navigation of our everyday life. It is essential to recognise that many individuals experience these challenges, and acknowledging their influence on daily functioning is crucial.

Pause

Let's take a moment, breathe together, and acknowledge the incredible strength you showed during those challenging times. Feel your feet grounded on the earth or notice the chair supporting you as we move forward together. I understand that reconnecting with your playful side may seem daunting or even impossible right now. Still, I want you to know that it is possible. I want to share a brief story from my own experience that became part of my reclamation of my lightheartedness.

Story

When a pony named Taran arrived as a rescued one-year-old, I had not considered the power of playfulness. I was most often as serious as a 'Sergeant Major’ commanding his army! I focused on managing my daughter's hospital appointments and therapy needs, homeschooling my son, and running the household—all while starting to pour my heart into all things Ellasfield. I realised I had been micromanaging life to create a sense of safety. Yet, it became clear that we have been conditioned to believe we 'should' be able to do it all when the truth is quite different.

I cherish those early days with Taran, which were filled with curious exploration and gentle bonding. He was timid yet inquisitive and captivated me with his quirky personality; looking back, he started reminding me of the beauty in innocence and play.

This journey began many years ago, and since then, our relationship has transformed in many ways, much like any human connection. There have been moments of pure joy and many challenges and misunderstandings. Navigating our companionship hasn't always been a smooth road; we've encountered obstacles that tested my patience and our understanding of each other. This is a lifelong journey, as is any partnership.

Everything flowed nicely for the first four or five years. I was content to let Taran settle in and grow at his own pace. However, things shifted a bit when I thought it would be wonderful to introduce him to horse riding. I got excited and started to focus on my plan for our journey together without considering how Taran might feel about it.

Our time together started to feel even more serious, methodical, and often stressful, one ripe with agendas and expectations on my behalf. Looking back, I realise that despite the 'Trainers' methods in Natural Horsemanship, these training sessions still created high pressure and often activated my sympathetic fight response. This mirrored in Taran, creating a bit of a tricky and sometimes dangerous feedback loop, which was the opposite of fun and playful.

I understood how much strain training put on Taran and our relationship and recognised my tendency to take control. With that in mind, I decided to step back and focus on creating a more balanced partnership where our voices could be heard and valued.

Taran had experienced a crack in our trust that would require time and dedication to heal. I inadvertently added pressure to our relationship, which Taran mirrored with intensity. He expressed his feelings through small gestures—nibbling my hands, stepping into my personal space, and yawning to convey, "Hey, give me some room; this is overwhelming!" Through this journey, Taran has taught me that we could begin anew by loosening my grip and releasing the guilt surrounding his training methods. This serves as a potent reminder that in every moment, we hold the potential to start again in our relationships with ourselves and others, regardless of how things were before. Change is possible, but it requires radical honesty with ourselves. It means facing how we compromise ourselves and calling our soul back with bravery and purpose. You can return to your true, playful self after trauma. When you are ready, you can start discovering who you really are.

Support

Equine therapy and horse interaction create a nurturing and inclusive atmosphere that encourages us to delve into our inner 'Micro Managers' and reconnect with our most authentic and playful selves. These magnificent creatures possess an innate ability to mirror our emotions and behaviours, allowing us to explore and understand ourselves deeper. As we engage with them, we are empowered as we rediscover our true identities, released from the fear of judgment that often permeates our daily lives.

Horses provide a warm and welcoming space to explore our feelings without putting everything into words or analysing them. They're genuine creatures that live in the present moment, allowing us to become more aware of how we feel and behave. Because of this, horses are fantastic at helping us build healthy relationships with ourselves and others. They can also support us in managing our emotions and healing from trauma gently and effectively, almost like some of the techniques used in EMDR.

A trained facilitator (that's me!) knows how to interpret the horse's body language. This insight can be shared with the client to create a deeper connection to their internal thoughts and feelings, which may be tucked away or overlooked. In this way, the horses serve as compassionate mirrors, reflecting the emotions and experiences we might find difficult to express.

Horses engage us in ways that draw us closer to the natural world, gently guiding us to embrace our true essence beyond the façades we often present to society. Through their sympathetic and intuitive presence, we can confront our fears and insecurities, revealing the layers of our personalities that might otherwise remain hidden. This profound connection fosters personal growth and enhances our ability to live authentically and joyfully. In the company of horses, we find an invitation to shed our pretences, embrace vulnerability, and ultimately rediscover the beauty of our unfiltered selves.

If you are interested in booking a session, we invite you to experience our immersive 'Hearts and Horses' sessions in the West Sussex countryside. These sessions feature a soulful cacao ceremony designed to foster a profound connection to the heart and our unique 1:1 sessions where you can engage with our wonderful herd of horses, allowing for a heartfelt bond with these majestic animals. Each experience is curated to enhance your personal journey and deepen your understanding of yourself and the world around you.

If you would like to learn more or schedule a phone chat, please call or text 07990 511250 or email Kim at ellasfield@icloud.com.